Awakening: “I am afraid my life will completely change.”
They said: “I feel like I’m at a cliff. I think if I do this, it will completely change my external world. Very quickly I wouldn’t be in the same job, I wouldn’t be in this country, I would completely change. And I’m not ready for that. I’m actually alright here. I’m not depressed, I have friends, I laugh a lot.”
That’s a fear I had, and have heard many people voice. Here’s my answer…
“When I was on the path seeking, you know, because I was struggling in pain with something and I encountered this word enlightenment, and I read these stories and I was like, Whoa, wow, those sound great. You know, I want that.
And then I read this book “After the ecstasy, the laundry,” you know, in the first part of that book were the stories, the rest of the book was all about the suffering hell these people went through afterward and I was like, “My life’s not that bad. I got good laughs. I got good friends. I’m not doing that badly. I am not going to trade this for that.”
So the book kind of implied If you have this thing called enlightenment, you’re going to go into suffering hell.
And I’m like, what are you saying after this happens, you’re going to have like shit in your life, right? So I got put off of enlightenment, the idea, the thought, the word–totally put off. I was like, “No, forget that. That’s not what I’m after. I don’t want that.”
And it sounds a lot like the same, like you’re sort of sitting there, like, here’s what I’m afraid it’s going to happen. So I’m not going to jump off that edge. The really weird thing is I didn’t even have the word Self-Realization at the time. No idea. I called it a direct seeing. “Oh, that’s what I am. This is what I is.” No idea.
I found those words later and I didn’t call it enlightenment because it didn’t match anything I’d heard either.
But after that, I was so happy, that none of those things really mattered anymore. And I was like, Oh, all of a sudden I could do anything.
Prior to that, I was limited. Felt limited because I had no training. I had no experience, I was 44 years old, no training, no experience. Like I had training in agriculture, things I didn’t want to do.
I had been trying to do my own home business, doing website design and what not. And there was a point where I just didn’t want to do anything, but I want to have money.
I just didn’t want hahah, I said, I didn’t want to work. I didn’t want to do anything. But I wanted to have money. Right? So I had this like fantasy business in my mind where I can be my own boss, do my own thing at home, which was nothing–and get paid for it. It’s not the way the world works, right?
So, but suddenly this thing, I was so happy. It struck me that now that I’m happy I can do anything. I don’t really care what I do. Actually. I can be going flipping burgers. I don’t care.
As long as I have this happiness. And so I didn’t stop everything. I didn’t leave my town. I didn’t, you know, abandon my family I just was happy. And then I’m looking at what to do. Cause all of a sudden there, wasn’t what I wanted to do. What I thought I couldn’t do. And all these limitations of the false me.
And it was like, Oh, I’m free. I can do anything. It’s not like what I don’t want to do. And what I have to do. It was like, “What do I want to do?” And I was like, well, I want to be helpful to people. I want to, I want to help people. I want to be of service.
What’s the highest I service I could be? And I looked around and like there was something on TV — a building had collapsed, you know… And there were people underneath and I was like, and then I heard about dogs. You could get a dog, you could go and rescue people.
I was like, Oh I can do that. I love dogs, you know, but I did herniated disc and I was like, yeah, I’m no good to people underneath a building with a herniated. Right. That’s just not gonna cut it. So I dropped that idea and looked around and looked around, well, what am I good at? And I’d already published “Alchemy” how to find the love within. Right, the joy within.
And this book was out and I’d already had sort of a presence and people were still reaching out to me. And I was like, well, what, what am I, what do I have here? That, it’s what I already have that I could be of use with. And anything that you already have, could be abuse with everything you do is in service to people.
I came to realize that, you know, later, prior to that I had these ideas and I know I can’t flip burgers. That’s useless. That’s you know, I’m not, I’m not being of any service to anybody. It’s not true. Everything we do is being of service, but are you aware of it?
And so I was like, well, what do I have? What can I do? And how can I use it to help people? And I just went back to doing what I was doing. I didn’t go off to India. I didn’t wear diapers. Some people are afraid. You’re going to be wearing diapers like Ramana. Ramana Maharshi, some people say, he wears diapers hehehe…
All the thoughts of the mind, all these crazy ideas of “what’s going to happen to me, I’m going to not take care of my family. I’m not going to pay the bills.”
And it’s like, no. You come forward. You step up more than you ever have in your life. You’re free to, there’s nothing holding you back. Nothing bad is going to happen haa, by you getting happy and free. Nothing.”
Until next time, keep it real.
Published at Sun, 13 Dec 2020 19:00:11 +0000